Fictional Drugs to Help your Marriage
NEW DRUGS FOR MEN
- Anniversia: Triggers memories of birthdays and wedding anniversaries while simultaneously loosening spending inhibitions at jewellery shops.
- Verbiloose: One spoonful of this before dinner will make a man willing to talk about his feelings for 20 whole minutes.
- Slendavis: Widens and flattens the male cornea, making wives appear slim and willowy.
- Belchex: Adds a terrifyingly foul taste to stomach gas making men scared to burp, or let loose any other gas from their body.
- Aspirude: Small white tablet that prevents men from telling the off-colour jokes at dinner parties.
- Combovex: Shortens hair at the sides of the head, so men cannot make themselves look silly by combing locks over their bald spots.
- Sportoblind: Reacts with the optic nerve to prevent men from recognising the word “sports” on the TV schedule.
- Gadjesterol: Deadens the area of the brain that makes men waste money on overpriced gadgets.
- Chorocet: Two spoonfuls at breakfast and your man will have an insatiable desire to do household chores.
- Strophobex: A spoonful a day for two weeks will make men eager and willing to go shopping with their wives and wait patiently in stores— even boutiques and lingerie shops— for an astonishing four hours.
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
- Shoppiproofen: Two 5-ml doses taken at breakfast will enable a woman to walk straight past stores without entering.
- Moodifix: Doubles the length of time a woman stays in one mood before changing to another, that is, from about two minutes to four, if you’re lucky.
- Canotaddium: Reacts with the left side of the brain to alleviate the intrinsic female fear of maths.
- Vanticillin: Enables women to walk past reflective surfaces without checking that their make-up is perfect.
- Irrationalicet: Helps women maintain a logical argument without drifting off into side issues, such as, “But do you love me?”
- Pricetagia: Alleviates female blindness to price tags.
- Clarium: Enables women to hold and compare two separate thought such as, “Why is my diet not working?” and “I think I’ll have some more chocolate.”
- Slatewypia: A dose of this prevents women from remembering anything their male partner said more than a year ago.
- Naggicease: Disables the vocal chords for up to five hours.
I think if married couples took these fictional drugs daily, divorce rates will drop by at least 7%!
Read this from Aika's blog, and found it superbly hilarious! Hope you guys had a good laugh, too. :)
